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Jersey Shore star Snooki and Charlie Sheen have topped a poll of nightmare celebrity Valentine dates, and few people want to cuddle up with Ashton Kutcher on February 14 — at least, not on film. And newly-single Kim Kardashian didn't do much better, coming second in the nightmare female celebrity date survey of 2, people. Kutcher, also newly-separated from his actress wife Demi Moore, didn't do much better.

Don't have an account yet? Get the most out of your experience with a personalized all-access pass to everything local on events, music, restaurants, news and more. My, how attitudes change -- or, rather, how well MTV edits.

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Happy New Year! On this very special holiday episode of the Jersey Shorethe kids dip their apples in bronzer and toast to a Happy and Healthy New Year! This dress from Ronco slices and dices your back fat in a million different unflattering ways … and still folds to fit in your glove compartment.

Whoever thought it would get this pathetic: The love lives of Sookie Stackhouse vs. Both broads have a mucho talked-about romances and a bevy of boys at their disposal. Sookie and Bill are the real deal—if you're not Team Compton, then you're way out of the loop. We know you're all into her smoldering sitch with Eric, but in a game of Ditch, Do, or Marry, we'd totally tie the knot with Bill, bang Joe Manganiello 's six packed werewolf Alcide, and kill off old Eric.

Obviously, they're only going to put the good stuff in, and the good stuff is us drunk, so all I'm seeing is me drunk and falling down. That's how I am when I party. But some of the stuff I do is, like, 'Really, Nicole?

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There are a ton of celebrity-penned books out on the market; so much so that it seems anyone can be an author if they want to. How's this for proof: Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, the pint-sized Jersey Shore guidette, just landed a book deal for her own novel. Titled Shore Thingthe "fictional" tale will follow a young woman looking for love on the boardwalk with the obligatory "big hair, dark tans, and fights galore.

All right, all right--we promise this is the last time you have to read this post. It's final, it's official, it's as firm as a guido blowout. And that's not the last of today's baby news--we've got a Jessica Simpson update too.

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Is it, or is it notabout the pasta? For the past two weeks, it has seemed that nearly everyone I follow on Twitter is consumed by this question. The fight is entirely nonsensical and needlessly aggressive, and one could argue that maybe the producers of this reality show had manufactured this drama, were it not so wholly stupid.

The Situationof course, swoops in. But it too is half-assed — he makes out with them in the bathroom, and MTV spares us the embarrassment of seeing him either try and fail, or not even try, to bring them back to the house to seal the deal. Snooki asks Sammi to help her cook tacos and she declines. Then we see Snooki in the confessional.

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